Game Day.

Okay, so my OJ piece didn’t get published this week; with the holiday and all.  I’m getting ready to watch my Trojans lay a glorious beat down on the university of completely lost assholes today.  I’ll be heading out to campus in a few hours – and will be bringing my bruin bear on a noose.

Just to prove what a joke this whole “Pac-12 championship – without SC” thing is; let’s look at what happened this week.  Utah choked and lost to Colorado – in Utah!  This means that ucla is 2nd place in the Pac 12 right now.  Since that simpleton Larry Scott is keeping USC out of the title game – this means that ucla will go.  As the Pac-12 clarifies: “If USC wins today; they can call themselves ‘1st place in the Pac 12,’ while ucla will be ‘Pac 12 South Champions.'”  Make sense?

I think it’s much funnier than Neweasel thinks his team will actually go to the Rose Bowl by winning out.  What happened to the Rick we all know and love who has kept his job this long by keeping the expectations of bruins’ fans low?

The real poetic justice in all this is that ucla is currently 6-5.  They are currently bowl-eligible; as they will be after the ass-kicking we hand them today leaves them 6-6.  However, since they have snuck into the Pac 12 title game, after they lose that game; they’ll be 6-7 and not bowl eligible – therefore denying some tiny city in New Mexico the chance to watch the bruins play.

Fight on, Trojans!  Don’t allow the game to be close enough that those lousy Pac 12 refs can make a difference!

Yep - this really happened in the Cal vs. Stanford game.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

USC 38, Oregon 35

Okay – Now that I’ve had the weekend to digest that game, I’m ready to write down my reactions.  My key points:

  1. USC is back!
  2. We dominated Oregon on both sides of the ball.
  3. The Pac12 refs are God-AWFUL!  Really – it’s not even funny anymore.
  4. Lane Kiffin will bring us back to glory!

Pre-game; we saw the pictures of LeBron James and his teammates hanging out on the Oregon sidelines.  I guess LeBron and the Oregon football staff shared tales about what it feels like to win a championship; right?  As a Trojan fan; I’m really satisfied that Oregon invited all those guys to the game – only to see us embarrass them.  Did you see those “special stands that Phil Knight built just for today’s game?”  (You can see a bit of them in the top left of the photo above.)  Obviously, building codes in Eugene aren’t up to the first-world standards we enjoy throughout the rest of the country.  You couldn’t pay me enough to sit in those things.  Know what?  I just figured it out!  Of course LeBron & Co. didn’t sit in those rickety looking bleachers.  Who wants to hang around on a cold night in Oregon, anyways?  My money says that those guys appeared for the “pre-game red carpet pictures” (I’m playing off the Duck’s big fashion show theme, here), and were on their jets off to somewhere civilized by half way through the 1st quarter.  Like Los Angeles.

On Friday; it would be hard to believe that we would turn over the ball 3 times and still come away with the “W.”  We did – because we dominated Oregon on both offense and defense.   I’ve heard many times that USC and Monte Kiffin can’t defend against a spread offense.  (Despite the fact that we vehemently shut down anything resembling a spread this year.)  Our defense shut any threat of that down very effectively against the Ducks.  I even forgot that they had a running quarterback.

Most telling was the final drive of the game.  When Oregon got the ball back 3 down with 2:XX to go in the game; I thought they would try to run the field and put up 7 for the win.  Our defense had them so scared; their only goal was “Let’s try to put up 3 to force overtime.”  Their GOAL wasn’t even the end zone!  Trojan D is back!

I don’t even need to mention the offense.  Matt Barkley has leapt into the Heisman discussion after that win.  Marquise Lee is only a freshman!  We’ve got him for at least 2 more years!  Even an injured Robert Woods phoned it in with 2 touchdowns.  At the end of the game, Curtis McNeal was good for 5 yards up the middle every time.  Marc Tyler was looking great too until he fumbled the damn ball as we had a chance to bury those Ducks!  I guess my daughter had to learn to swear sometime, right?  Thank God for Trojan D!

On to the refs…  Intentional grounding?  Seriously?  And why did the flag come at least 10 seconds after the play ended?  I’d never heard an announcer laugh at a terrible call before.  I heard that the Pac 12 actually said that call was bogus; a fact that I haven’t verified since I refuse to listen to anything those idiots say.  That 2 point conversion where the “incomplete” ruling was reversed – despite the replay showing his foot clearly on the white line?  The “no holding” call for Matt’s interception?  (That even the Sportscenter guys commented on.)   I’m sure these refs blew some calls that went our way, too – but this is just getting out of hand.  And supposedly the Pac 12 fired all the shitty refs last year.  This is an improvement?

All this bias shouldn’t even faze us Trojans, though.  When you’re the best; you’ll always have haters to contend with.  It’s kind of like seeing the animals at the zoo – they’ll snarl and sometimes throw shit at people because they’re jealous.  You’re on the “Good” side of the fence; and they want in.  Our own world-famous football stadium, the blond cheerleaders in sweaters, that HUGE jumbo screen over the western end zone, a white-horse mascot ridden by a guy wearing armor and carrying a sword?  Who doesn’t want that?  I’ve been to dozens of other colleges in my day, and have never seen one with all we’ve got.  Haters will hate; the best revenge is living well and winning tons of football games.

After our glorious victory, I caught the ending of a couple other games.  Baylor’s win over Oklahoma ended when Baylor scored and kicked off – and the Oklahoma players were too dumb to pick up the ball!  Baylor recovers and wins!  Seriously – you guys really thought that you were worthy of playing for the championship?

Some more evidence for the “they are jealous of us” file was found watching the Cal vs. Stanford game.  The former (and very soon to be again in the future) “Bowl to determine last place in the Pac 10,” was a lot closer than expected.  The game was also boring enough that the announcers had time to teach me a new tradition:  “The Stare.”  I’d never heard of this before; mostly because I prefer to do fun stuff like watching the game on game day.  For those of you who are unfamiliar; a group of Cal students will stand and stare at a group of Stanford students.  For, apparently, the whole game.  Each time the cameras showed this oddity; I was struck by how profoundly ugly ALL the participants were.  (Both female and male – everyone loses there.)  I couldn’t find a picture of it on the web – consider yourselves lucky!  Which is worse; having to stare at those ugly students all night or being an ugly student staring at those uglies all night?  At least there weren’t any Oregon fans involved.  It boggles the mind what students at lesser schools have to deal with.

Fortunately; we don’t have those problems.  We’ve got Traveller, The Row, Chanos and Traditions.  Do they still let you buy pitchers at Traddys with discretionary?  Do they still have discretionary?  I’m not sure about The Row anymore; either.  After we whipped Washington, I drove down 28th Street and it was dead.  Saturday night?  After a big game?  Really?

I digress, though.  Back on topic – Lane Kiffin is destined to be the greatest coach in college football history.  Better than Woody Hayes without the crazy.  More beloved than Joe Paterno – and without the senility and child molesting.  I’ve noticed that a lot more people are jumping on the “Lane Kiffin is the greatest coach ever!” bandwagon.  A year ago, it was only me and the Lost Angeles (link) guy saying that.  It’s good to see we’re making believers of all you.  It’s okay – you’re not really jumping on the bandwagon – you are buying in to the dream.

Remember the post-game interview? "I'm sure there are some in the AP who won't even put us in the top 25. Whatever." Classic!

On to Saturday.  Real Trojans know that our season is only half complete.   A complete season is one in which we embarrass BOTH Notre Dame AND ucla!  We took care of the domers in grand fashion; now we need to finish it.  Better yet – the bruins think that they actually have a chance this year.  Their whipping of that awful Colorado team has the bruins thinking that their spread offence and Kevin Prince are a “potent force to be reckoned with.”  Correct me if I’m wrong; but hasn’t Kevin Prince been the bruins quarterback for 4 years now?  Hasn’t he pretty much sucked the whole time?  Those delusional bruins are forgetting all about that and focusing on “truths” like “SC can’t defend against the spread.”  (Oh – like ucla is faster and stronger than Oregon?)  This all plays right into our hands, though.  Just as Notre Dame, Washington or Oregon can tell you this year: nothing stings more than walking into the USC game with your victory party already planned – and getting embarrassed.  That’s why nothing is sweeter to Trojan fans than those games.  We’ve got another opportunity on Saturday; let’s grab it!

For the big week; read up on my past anti-ucla columns Here, Here, Here and Here.  Also, feast your eyes on this glorious Trojan victory once again:

For this week, I think I’ll write up my famous “O.J. walked because he’s a Trojan” story.  Stay tuned!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments


The Trojans finally break the “State of Oregon” curse; winning up there for the first time since 2005!  Better yet – we came away from one of those close games with the “W!”

I’ll have a full update up later; but I think this says it all for now:

Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

USC 40, Washington 17

(A short update.  I’ve been writing my financial article all day – still unfinished – and I’ve got to just get something posted.)

As I’ve said before – the only thing better than beating a rival is blowing them out when they expected to win.  Our team just had it’s way with Washington.  Our punter, Kyle Negrete, had one less rushing yard than UW’s star running back, we got a safety and Marquise Lee eclipsed his receiving production with one spectacular kickoff return.

This whole Penn State thing just keeps getting weirder.  Jerry Sandusky phoned in a TV show and said “Okay; I shouldn’t have showered and played around with those kids.”  And he really “nailed” the answer when Bob asked “are you sexually attracted to young boys?”  (He actually thought about it for a few seconds.)  Now Paterno is announcing “I have lung cancer – but it’s treatable.”  Hmmm… strange timing there, Joe.  You sure you’re not just throwing that out there as a “quit thinking I’m a scumbag and go back to worshiping me as a god” hail Mary?

Way to go, “Choke”lahoma State, by the way!

As for the Oregon game; we played them hard for 3 quarters last year before falling apart in the 4th.  I think we’re a better team this year – we’ll have to see how it goes.  Oh – and as my fellow Trojan blogger at Lost Angeles pointed out – their goofy “O” hand sign means “vagina” in sign language.  I’m just reporting that without comment, there.

Hopefully they'll start blurring those ugly Oregon fans on TV, now.

What I think is most interesting about this article is that Oregon football players are fulfilling their foreign language requirement by taking sign language.  At first I thought – “Yeah, guys: make sure not to take any class that will actually help you make some money in the future.  You’re really going to be glad you took those semesters of sign language when you’re trying to find your way through Paris or Venice.”  (My limited Spanish comprehension at least allows me to decipher a little bit of any romance language.) Then I remembered that these guys are going to college in Eugene, Oregon.  If they don’t play football professionally, they’ll be driving buses anyway – no European vacations there.

I’ve got to get some sleep for tomorrow.  Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Washington Game Preview – Homecoming

It has been an eventful week in college football.  First off:

The news was focused on Penn State – now known as “Bring’m Young University.”  Apparently, the school’s board of trustees didn’t buy Joe’s excuse – which was essentially “I didn’t do anything because I didn’t know he was raping the 10 year old boy.  I thought he was merely molesting him.”  That’s because; back in Joe’s time – like “white only” dining rooms, drunk driving or sexual harassment – child molestation evidently wasn’t a real big deal.

Penn State students are irate about the decision.  Last night, a “mini-riot” of sorts broke out where a TV van was toppled and destroyed, and order was restored by cops in riot gear.  This shows you how delusional these students are.  Just as Woody Hayes had to be fired for punching that player, Jim Tressel had to be fired for lying to the NCAA, Maurice Clarett had to be thrown off the Buckeyes, (hmmm… funny how those are all Ohio State Examples), Joe Paterno had to be cut loose.  Let’s be honest here; none of those Buckeyes did anything that’s even in the same league of bad as Joe’s actions were.  He turned a blind eye to a booster who was sexually abusing children in Penn State’s locker rooms!  By doing this – he allowed it to continue.  Frankly, Paterno is lucky that ALL he’s getting is fired.

Much has been made in the media about Paterno’s 409 wins, so I decided to compare that to USC’s record since 1966.  Since 1966; back when we played in a conference called “AAWU,” Our record has been 392 wins, 118 losses and 14 ties.  During the same time, the Nittany Lions were 409-136-3.  If you pull out the calculator; you’ll see that USC’s win percentage is 74.8%, while Penn State’s is 74.6%.  More importantly – his “in conference” win percentage is 62.5% while ours is 74.9%.  That’s right – it happened – we’re better!

USC also wins in the “additional accolades” department.  During those 46 years, Penn State only managed 1 Heisman Trophy and 2 National Championships; while we racked up 6 Heisman Trophies (Mike Garrett won in ’65; and doesn’t count here), and 6 National Championships.

In conclusion; Joe Paterno is famous because he’s not quite as good as USC football has been.  Some bruin alumni on Facebook were calling for JoPa to replace Neweasel immediately.  For the reason previously stated, he’d be perfect – right?  My response is that they should hire Jim Tressel immediately.  He’s dishonest, and has an uncanny knack for blowing big games – a true bruin!

On to the Washington game.  This is another grudge match between Kiffin and a school that’s located in the same city as a statue of Joseph Stalin.  (pic?)  After the ass-whipping the ducks handed his team, Nick Holt declared that he would rather play USC than Oregon because “He knows how to stop them.” This is just an obviously-inferior team talking trash the week before they walk in and get humiliated.  Think ucla in the week before every SC game.

The first installment in Seattle's planned "despot row." Next up; Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and Gray Davis.

We’re going to win because we’ve got superior talent and superior coaching.  Lane seems to have purged the “lose to a crummy team” bug from the Trojans – one that grew fat and healthy during the Carroll years.  We’ve got Barkley-Woods-Lee; who are going to be 1, 2, 3 in the Heisman balloting next year.  We’ve got a special teams squad that blocks seemingly 40% of all field goals, and our running backs are fast and hungry.

If it isn’t raining; I’ll be at the Coliseum on Saturday bringing it.  (If it is raining – I’ll be bringing it from my nice, dry living room.)  Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

USC 42, Colorado 17

This was certainly an eventful week in college football.  Before we relive another glorious Trojan victory; let’s review what else happened.

I’ll start with the elephant in the room – the Penn State debacle.   I would say that this was completely unbelievable, but nobody can make anything like this up.  In case you haven’t heard; a Penn State graduate assistant caught the team’s defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, performing anal sex on a 10 year old boy.  Rather than A. stop the old guy from raping the boy or b. call the police, this graduate assistant ran to his office and called… his dad?  The next day, (no hurry, right), he went and told Joe Paterno.  So Joe; rather than A. call the police or B. at least call Jerry for an explanation, calls the (appropriately named) Penn State athletic director Tim Curley.  Tim Curley; rather than – well, you get the idea – chooses option C. do nothing.

Who, me?

These events all happened in 2002; and make Tressel lying to the NCAA, all the money Reggie got and anything that Rick Neweasel ever did look like mere parking tickets.    I didn’t read the rest of the article because, frankly, I was too disgusted.  I think that Penn State fans will soon get what they have been hoping for – a chance to unload that dinosaur of a coach.

Next up – ucla beat ASU?  What?  How did that happen?  I think this is a great thing for Trojan football.  For one thing – the bruins will probably be dumb enough to renew Neweasel’s contract for several years after this one.  Second – we want the Bruins to be confident going into the game vs. USC.  Hell; it would be great if they were actually favored!  Nothing is sweeter than dealing a huge ass-whipping to a rival school in a game they really expected to win.  (Right, Notre Dame?)

Okay – on to the Colorado game.  First; let’s talk about the ESPN coverage.  For a professionally filmed sports event; I really shouldn’t have to yell “FOCUS!” at the TV every few minutes.  What was the story with that cameraman?  No doubt a ucla film school grad…  Later in the game, the announcers gushed that Colorado was the “only team to start 2 freshman kickers.”  Does anyone proofread that crap before they read it?  Colorado wasn’t even the only football team in the stadium that did that.  (as you recall – both our punter and place-kicker are freshman.)  They also mentioned that “Matt Barkley has been at USC for three years and hasn’t been to a bowl game yet.”  Are they really forgetting about the 2009 Emerald Bowl?  (I think I mentioned it recently.)  It was only two years ago!   I’ve said it before – bring back Petros!

As for the Trojans’ performance Friday; it was spectacular.  Congrats to Matt Barkley for throwing 6 TD passes – a USC record.  (There are a lot of big-time Trojan names that only managed 5 in a game.)  Marquise Lee and Robert Woods each put up 2 TDs and over 120 yards!  We blocked 2 field goals.  We gave up an interception that was returned to our 8 yard line – and held them to a field goal.  Another freshman – Amir Carlisle – had a debut of sorts, and rushed for 90 yards plus 37 receiving.  And how about that Kyle Negrete punt out of bounds at Colorado’s 4 yard line?  Remember what I said about his foot having better accuracy than most QB arms out there?

As for Colorado; they came out with some “secret” black helmets to get their team and fans “pumped up.”  Help me out, here – has a team ever done this and actually won?  (Not against USC, they haven’t.)

We needed to hand out a good whipping like that to get prepared for the big grudge match vs. the Huskies next Saturday.  I can’t wait!

I’ll probably have some more game review later in the week.  It’s Saturday night, and I’m too tired to continue.  Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

USC vs. Colorado Preview

First off, I blame Larry Scott – the head of the Pac 12 – for this Friday night game garbage.  Larry is rumored to be pushing USC to have a weekday home game; just like he’s pressuring the rest of the Pac 12 into it.  I hope that Pat Haden and crew resist Scott’s demands and stick to our guns.  Unlike the rest of the Pac 12, (ucla, Cal, Colorado, etc…) us Trojans have shit to do during the week.  We’ve got jobs, companies to run, kids to pick up at school.  Getting over to campus on a Friday evening (or even worse… Thursday) is tough to do for Trojans.  Not so much for your average ucla or Cal fan; who needs to skip “occupy Wall Street” for a few hours, or Colorado fans; who need to leave their grow rooms for a bit.

My beef with Larry Scott doesn’t nearly end there.  That fine against Kiffin was bogus – Lane was stating facts; not opinions.  Additionally – and check the replay on this – T.J. McDonald got suspended for half a game after a vicious shoulder pad to shoulder pad hit?  One that the TV announcers said didn’t even merit a personal foul penalty?  (And anti-USC announcers; at that.)  We get enough of this crap from the NCAA; we don’t need the head of our own conference keeping us down.

The refs didn’t have the benefit of a slow motion replay on this one – but Larry Scott made the wrong call after watching it several times?

As I often say – when you’re the best, you need to deal with the haters.  If that’s USC’s cross to bear; I’ll take it.  It could be worse – ucla’s got a football team that isn’t even tough enough to wear powder blue, UW alumni had to live in Seattle for a few years (where it’s great 2 months of the year; but residents pay for that with 10 months of crappiness), and Stanford has got even uglier women than Cal.  (And THAT’s a bold statement.)

I only really know who Colorado is because I had a former business associate who bought a luxury box at their stadium in Boulder.  (Which he never bothered to visit because the Buffalos had about a 10% winning percentage.)  By the way; he’s a former associate on account of what a huge scumbag he is.  All I really know about the Colorado Buffalos is that they live in Boulder, favor Subarus and Birkenstocks, freeze their asses off every winter, and have a downright awful football team.

A bit of research shows that the Buff’s have only 1 win and 8 losses this season.  That win came vs. a non-conference opponent; Colorado State.  Their team stats are even worse.  Their lead rusher has 113 yards for the season – in 7 games!  Their lead receiver has 488 yards in 6 games – that’s 2 good games for Robert Woods.  The only impressive stats come from their punter; probably on account of all the practice he gets.

For more insight into our opponent; let’s look into the history of the Denver area.  Many vistors to Denver are, as I was, surprised by how flat it is.  Denver is located in a huge plateau right in the middle of the Rocky Mountains.  The area was settled in large numbers back when Americans were moving west in covered wagons.  After fighting their way up the eastern side of the Rockies, they reached Denver – and saw the western side of the Rockies.  They said “enough of this” and settled right where they sat.  This means that the Denver area is polluted by what I call the “quitter gene” – passed down through the generations.  ‘Nuff said!

This will be an easy win for us.  Unlike Pete Carroll, Lane Kiffin has got his shit together – and doesn’t lose to crappy teams that we’re heavily favored against.  I’ll be parked in front of my TV in a few hours – Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments