USC 50, ucla 0 “Because They Wouldn’t Let Me Go For Three!”


I know - terrible photo. It's the best I could find online - I forgot to take one.

All week I had heard trash talk from bruins about how good Kevin Prince is, how bad our defense is (not sure where they got that one from), about how they’re Pac 12 South Champions and going to the championship game.  Our team did our talking on the field – and shut them up with what can only be described as a severe ass whipping.  It worked well:  I haven’t heard from any bruins since Saturday.

This brutal thrashing was the third best in rivalry history; eclipsed only by the Trojan’s 76-0 whipping of ucla in 1929, and a repeat beating of 52-0 dealt out in 1930.  Incidentally, the rivalry was suspended for five years after that to give ucla a chance to “establish a football program.”  In 1936, the rivalry resumed; although ucla wouldn’t actually win a game until 1942.  The rivalry game was played twice yearly from 1943 to 1945 due to World War II travel restrictions.  A game was scheduled at the beginning and the end of the season to ensure that ucla didn’t escape their annual whippin’.  USC won 5 of those games and tied one by a combined score of 138-60.

On to the game.  ucla came out on the field with their “super secret” all-white “surrender” uniforms.  I thought that was nice of them – white showed the grass stains, blood and tears much better.  Any game that Nickell Robey gets 2 sacks in has got to be a good one.  Our offense had our way with their defense all night, compiling the “Matt Barkley for Heisman” promo tape while starting on Robert Woods’ 2012 campaign, and Marquis Lee’s for 2013.  Our offense scored at will.  Our punter was used twice.  UCLA was inside our 10 yard line three times and had zero points to show for it!  The bruins only got down there in the first place because our defense was so tired – Matt & company were scoring too quickly off ucla’s anemic defense.

Best of all – we went for two!  I was reminded of my college football history.  Years back, Ohio State was horsewhipping arch-rival Michigan – but not as badly as we beat the bruins.  The Buckeyes put up another 6 points, then added a 2-point conversion.  After the game, a reporter asked OSU coach Woody Hayes why he went for two.  “Because they wouldn’t let me go for three” was his reply.  ‘Nuff said!

Our future is bright, Trojan fans.  Even if Barkley and Kalil declare for the draft, (I would if I were them), the Trojans are DEEP.  Most of the stars on our team are freshmen and sophomores.  We all saw what Marquise Lee did out there as a freshman.  Lamar Dawson is wearing #55 as a freshman.  Guys like Xavier Grimble and George Farmar are waiting to see their names in the news next year.  Jesse Scroggins, Max Wittek and Cody Kessler will be battling for the starting QB spot if Matt leaves next year.  Things are looking great for us!

Better yet; ucla seems to be sinking even lower.  We’ve known for a long time that their football program stinks – but now they suck at basketball AND are ranked lower than USC in the annual college rankings.  The bruins have run out of “You may be great, but we have_____” examples.  See – “sucking” is like a cancer at ucla.  It is winding its’ way throughout their entire university and permeating everything.

I’ve been studying ucla’s moves this week, and have figured out the bruin “game plan.”  Here it is – Rick Neweasel’s steps for failure:

  1. Rather than managing expectations, build up your team and fans to believe that you’ll actually beat USC and Oregon to reach the Rose Bowl.
  2. Break out some “super secret” new uniforms to pump up the team.  (Ask Notre Dame, Colorado and Oregon how that worked out for them.)
  3. Start to believe your own bullshit from step #1 above.  Don’t ever admit defeat.  Why kick a field goal to stay in the game when you can turn the ball over on downs and be losing 14-0 about 4 minutes later?  I bet he keeps his job if he only loses 50-9.
  4. Don’t bother motivating your players at halftime.  Did anyone notice how ucla just walked back onto the field to start the second half?

"I thought we played pretty well. What do you think?"

Reasons Not to Go to ucla

This bit was inspired by a Facebook posting by a friend of mine.  He asked for comments about the pros and cons of going to USC vs. ucla.  The only comments were a flame war of sorts between me and a bruin who wanted to beat that “we’re cheaper” horse to death.  Of course, he wimped out before things got interesting.  In the spirit of such exchanges, I’ve composed the following list of reasons to choose USC over ucla.

  1. Our Row is co-ed.  (Seriously, why are ucla’s sorority houses on the other side of campus?  Maybe they just need the exercise.)
  2. You don’t need to fraud yourself a handicapped parking permit to get to class.  you can walk across USC’s campus (and enjoy the view) in about 5 minutes.
  3. The entire neighborhood is really quite small.  You’re always going to be within walking distance of most people you meet at USC.  You want to live between 30th Street and Adams to the North, and Figueroa with Vermont in the east.  (Although I rarely bothered to go east of Hoover – not counting the 32nd Street Market’s liquor department.)
  4. Attractive members of the opposite sex.  USC has great looking women.  The guys probably aren’t too bad, either – I went there, right?
  5. A USC degree is valuable.  I’ve been hired by two bruins in my lifetime.  Us Trojans know better than to hire a ucla grad.
  6. Plenty of restaurants – right at the end of the row.  You don’t need to hike into Westwood Village to eat. Everything’s on Figueroa.  Hell – they’ve even got a Fat Burger and a Five Guys there now.  I was perfectly happy eating Inez’s (our fraternity’s chef) cooking, Chanos, Pasta Bravo and La Barca.  I did eat quite a bit of Dollar Chinese, too – until it almost killed me.
  7. At USC; you can get the classes that you need to graduate on time.  You can stay 5 years by choice – and take some extra classes that will actually benefit you and make you some money in the future.
  8. ucla depends on “welfare” from the state to stay afloat.  We know how well the state’s books are looking now…
  9. The cheaper option is never the higher quality one.  Never.
  10. Cardinal and Gold vs. powder blue and yellow?
  11. Football games.  The Coliseum is across the street from campus.   The bruins play in the Rose Bowl, which is thirty miles from campus!  Good luck getting back from there after a day full of tailgating!
  12. The neighborhood.  That’s right – I’m calling it a plus.  You don’t want to be one of those wimps going through life afraid of bad neighborhoods.  After four years at USC – you’ll see it’s not that bad.  You’ll learn street smarts.  You won’t be one of those douchebags who say “I can’t believe someone smashed the window of my new Mercedes and stole the Louis Vuitton laptop bag off my passenger seat!”  (Exact words I’ve heard before.)
  13. I once went to a party at ucla that was broken up by fifty LAPD officers in riot gear.  Seriously.
  14. I don’t think it’s possible to visit both schools and choose ucla.  SC is really that much better.  Make sure and visit when school’s in session.

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Feel free to leave your own reasons in the comments, and Fight On!

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15 Responses to USC 50, ucla 0 “Because They Wouldn’t Let Me Go For Three!”

  1. Ally says:

    Nailed it! I agree – best ucla beat down ever!

  2. Cardinal & Gold says:

    Love the “Mind the Gap” picture!

  3. Kaufen says:

    What’s the significance of #55?

    • chrisuscfan says:

      #55 is awarded to a linebacker who is considered by coaches to be worthy of the number. Pete Carroll did not assign the number once of twice. Guys who have worn #55 include Junior Seau and Keith Rivers. Basically, USC can boast more #55’s that have been drafted in the first round than most other schools can claim in total.

  4. Lane says:

    15. As a private university, USC’s campus is private property. If we don’t like you, we tell you to GTFO. That’s why you don’t see preachers or hippie drum circles on campus!

  5. Pingback: Still Loving That Victory Over the bruins. | USC Trojan Football Blog

  6. Maria Bello says:

    This is among the most incredible blogs Ive read in a really long time.

  7. Cat Pow says:

    Youre so awesome, man! I cant believe I missed this weblog for so long.

  8. Embowaf says:

    Never heard of this site. I’m curious… how did you get that “Mind the Gap” picture I made?

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