The Chano’s Truck is Not Right

My second favorite USC blogger (I am, naturally, my first favorite), posted the following photo on Facebook of the new Chano’s food truck:

This truck cost more than the original restaurant!     Now, this is just wrong.  We all remember what Chano’s looks like.  I think they need a truck that more closely resembles their store.  Something like this:

    You know – crappy!

I won’t eat from a “portable Chano’s” unless it looks like the real Chano’s.  I mean every detail, too.  It’s gotta be:

  • So run-down that part of your brain says “should I really be buying food from this place?”
  • Staffed by a 10-year old kid.  At 3AM.  On a school night.
  • Proudly displaying its’ “C” from the health department.

Additionally, it will need:

  • Something ass-backwards like their passenger-side drive through window.
  • A ton of cops hanging out in front to give your late night food run the proper amount of danger; as you’re doing the “I’m so drunk that I’m swaying in the wind” move.
  • To accept credit cards.  I think that kept Chanos in business in the 90’s – the fact that, after spending all your money on booze, you could still get some food.

Hmmm.  I have realized that I tend to pick all my restaurants according to a “checklist” format.  For example:

While looking for good Chinese restaurants, I’ll seek one with:

  • Rude servers. (Well, not really rude.  It’s more of a “Here’s the menu.  Order some food, or get the fuck out.  We don’t care which” attitude.)  I admire honesty like that.
  • Linoleum floors.
  • Dead animals hanging in the windows.
  • A “B” grade from the health department.  Everyone knows that you get an “A” by bribing the health inspector.  If there’s a “B” in the window, it’s been legitimately earned.  God knows what’s going on in the back of those “A” places.

Japanese restaurants are easy.  I look for:

  • An “all Japanese front.”  (Although everyone knows that the kitchen – like every other restaurant – is run by Mexicans.)
  • Every employee of the place says “Hello!” as I walk in.
  • The sushi bar’s gotta have uni and toro – or I’m out of there.

While I was doing my Google Image search for “crappy food truck,” I came across this pic.  It reminds me of the ice cream trucks I used to see around SC.  You know – the “fortified with steel cages” look.  My favorite sport was to yell “Tienes Mota?” at those guys, and watch how fast they stopped.

As for football; the season is almost upon us.  I can almost taste the Derrick’s Turkey Dogs and see those ugly Cal fans.  I see that the Minnesota game is a 12:30 kick off.  Afterwards, for old times’ sake; I’ll have to stop by Chano’s for some take-out.  Make mine a mix-up burrito!

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