I know that I promised a weekly update, but there wasn’t a lot of Trojan football news over the past couple of weeks. Since I’ve already established that I barely care about anything that isn’t strictly USC Trojans Football related; there hasn’t been much to catch my attention. There have been a few great things, however.
Four generations of my family graduated from The Ohio State University, but I was able to break that chain by attending USC. As such, I heard a lot about the Buckeyes over Christmas; and spent much time explaining the many faults of that program.
First off, there are the 5 Buckeyes players that were suspended for 5 games each. Starting – (After intense lobbying by the guy in charge of the Sugar Bowl) – next season. Sure, I could talk about how hypocritical the NCAA is; and point out that they only dish out penalties when there are no dollars to be lost on their end. I could mention that the players’ suspensions were lessened because Ohio State did such a shitty job of explaining the rules to their players. (Yes – you read that right.) I won’t, though, because that’s the low hanging fruit.
What’s most embarrassing about that is how small the buckeyes thought – $2,500? $50 off a tattoo? How about asking for a free house or $100,000? Even when they’re screwing up, the Trojans think big. Hell, at least Cam Newton had the sense to squeeze at least $180,000 out of Auburn.
Speaking of the Buckeyes, their Big 10 conference managed to go 0-5 in Bowl Games as of Jan 1. (I read that stat in at least a dozen articles today, but notice that Iowa won their bowl game. Way to research, geniuses!) To lose that first one, the Badgers’ quarterback had to channel John David Booty briefly while he threw the game-tying pass into the hands of a TCU lineman rather than the wide open receiver in the end zone. Michigan was blown out by Mississippi State, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone; since Michigan (unranked, 7-6, and lousy) was playing a ranked opponent. I really loved the post-game press conference, though. Find it on You Tube or something; the reporters find at least 5 different ways to ask him “Are you out of a job now?” They all came in a row, too – classic!
The bowl matchups this year really leave a lot to be desired. Should I really be impressed that a team that was ranked #5 (Stanford) stomped one that was ranked #12 (VA Tech)? Or that Oklahoma (#9) whipped an unranked team? I love how all these reporters are gushing about how Stoops finally didn’t blow the big game. How about Stanford vs. Oklahoma, and let VA Tech take on that crappy U Conn team? Incidentally – the U Conn coach just left for his “dream job” coaching Maryland. Maryland? Dare to dream a little! Geez, that’s like saying you want to be a janitor when you grow up.
Back to the TCU game. During the pre-game, they managed to find one sober and coherent TCU fan, but he wouldn’t stop ripping into Wisconsin’s mascot. “What the hell is a Badger?” he kept saying. You got to be kidding me; your mascot is a horned frog, and you’re calling another team’s mascot stupid? At least the Minnesota Golden Gophers have a mascot that most people have heard of. The TCU story gets even worse, though: I researched “horned frog.” They do exist, but are only found in South America and in Asia. The South American ones, by the way, are cannibals.
I would think that if you named your sports teams after some weird, unlikable animal – at least it would be native to your region. (Florida Gators, Nebraska Cornhuskers.) They might as well have named themselves the Panda Bears.
Did anyone see the post-game interview with TCU’s coach Patterson? You know – after he wimped out of the Gatorade bath, only to get it thrown on him anyway. He said something to the effect of “I won this game for our fans in Texas.” That’s pretty modest – I won this game? As mentioned before – the Badgers’ quarterback that choked did much more to win that game for you!
Rest assured Trojan fans. Lane Kiffin and Ed Orgeron are recruiting as you read this. We will be back soon for our vengeance against the college football world. Keep up the swagger!