Nights like this that make me really like Tivo. After the first series of the 2nd half, I turned the game off to catch up on reruns of “the Simpsons.” I am proud to say that I’ve seen every Simpsons episode ever. However, the Simpsons is like a great song or the movie “Scarface.” It is meant to be enjoyed repeatedly. When I got online to check the score a few hours later – I saw that I made the right decision.
I always like reading the comments under the game reports online. I loved that one Beavers fan said “Suck it, all you fake tan wearing, botoxed assholes!” First off, we’ve got a thing called “sunny days all the time” down here in California – so those are real tans. Second; I saw the shots of your crowd on TV. If you guys had any damn money; you’d be throwing plenty of cosmetic procedures at those messes. I like the “assholes” part, myself. If someone hates you because they think you’re beautiful, rich and successful; well, that’s a good thing!
For example, I was in New Orleans this week, and was checking out the antique shops on Royal Street. A woman at the antiques store was trying to hard-sell me a Napoleon III period end table for $25,000. It was pretty nice and all, but we’re not talking about a Dutch kast, an 1890’s partner’s desk, or even a dining room table; this was a 28 inch high and 18 inch wide end table. Still, the fact that this lady thought offering me a 10% discount would seal the deal really made me feel like a big shot. So does the Beaver fan’s hatred mentioned above.
And as for the botox – it’s not for me or my family members. See, us Trojans are smart enough to choose wisely. Why buy a house that’s going to need lots of work, right? ‘Nuff said.
The less said about this game, the better. At least we won’t have to worry about any “letdown” vs. Notre Dame, and can channel all that hatred and anger towards them. I’ll be at the Coliseum, and I’ll be wearing my “Rudy was Offsides” shirt – if I can find one in Trojan colors. (Memo to the guys who are always selling blue and gold “Rudy Sucks” shirts – why the hell would any Trojan fan buy that?
On a positive note, let’s talk about Texas’ collapse. You may remember earlier in the season when a commenter took issue with me generalized Longhorn fans as a bunch of “bandwagon riding hicks.” I ran into that guy in Corona Del Mar last week – and he wants the whole coaching staff fired! Talk about burning your own bandwagon! These same guys were gushing about Mack Brown, his heir apparent assistant and long-term contracts all around. Now they’re calling for his head. News flash you silly hillbillies: It’s not like great college football coaches grow on trees – just ask Notre Dame. (Or ask Tennessee – they had one until he ditched their sorry town for us.)