Stanford – The Weekender Starts in 4 days.

     As a long-time Trojan fan, I’m a little confused by Stanford.  I was used to this game being like Washington State – an annual whippin’ doled out by the Trojans.  Although I did travel up to every weekender game as an undergraduate I, like a true Trojan, never actually attended the games.  Every Trojan fan knows that partying in San Francisco, or at some location we’ve taken over at Berkeley, is the real way to watch the games.

      I’ve got some great memories of the weekender.  My first trip involved a Phish concert in Portland on Friday night, (and gallons of Terminator Stout,) hitting the bars in San Francisco on Saturday night, sleeping in my car in a parking garage that night, and talking my way out of a 120 mph speeding ticket on the way home.  This gave me my first weekender lesson – have your place to stay picked out already.  When you’re 20 years old, roaring drunk, and have 45 dollars in your pocket; sleeping in your car seems like a great idea.  Not so much when you’re 35.

      My second weekender lesson was; if you are staying in Berkeley, don’t take a cab over to San Francisco!  This is an important one; as there are no reasonably sane cab drivers in San Francisco at 2:30 AM on a Sunday morning, and not even the crazy ones will want to drive you across the Bay Bridge at that time.  We had a cab driver who, after a nervous breakdown, dropped us off in the Tenderloin.  If you’re not familiar with the Tenderloin, let’s just say that it’s not an easy place to find another cab.

      You’ll notice that I don’t talk about partying in Palo Alto.  That’s because it is the equivalent of getting drunk in the library.  Those two things don’t belong in the same sentence.  This is because Stanford is run by nerds, and is populated by like-minded students and alumni.  People who think putting Vonnegut quotes in their Facebook status shows that they’re “learned.”  (As opposed to ucla grads, who post Nickelback lyrics, and Trojan fans who write their own stuff.)  A recent study concluded that 50% of Harvard students had sex during their college years. ₁  I think that it’s reasonable to assume Stanford has a similar average – I’ve met people from Stanford.  Also – I’ve noticed that the women at UC Berkeley are, to put it delicately, “barkers.”  It’s also reasonable to assume that the quality of women at Stanford is lower than even Berkeley.  I can even support this with some anecdotal evidence.  I heard that, during her time at the school, Diane Feinstein was the “hottest girl on campus.”  ‘Nuff said.


     There’s the name “Stanford Cardinal.”  Stanford was pressured to change their name from the “un PC” Indians some years ago.  They now refer to their school as “the farm,” have a tree as a mascot and a horrible band that unfortunately never gets within throwing distance of Section 11.  I can’t think of the tree without smiling a bit, though.  The best (and only good) half-time show during a Trojan game was the week before Stanford in about 2000 or so.  Some guy dressed as the Stanford Tree, (and looking much better than the actual mascot), ran onto the field to a chorus of boos.  Four guys in LAPD costumes then ran out and beat the snot out of him with billy clubs.  Bring back that show!

      In conclusion, Stanford is so lame that even Berkeley alums can make fun of them.  That’s pretty bad.  I am cautiously optimistic about the upcoming game – I hope that Monte Kiffin and the defense  getting torn up by Washington on Saturday has taught them something.  I think that it did, myself.   As I mentioned in an earlier post, Stanford used Oregon’s game plan last year against us.  Let’s prepare to play Washington again – and I think we’ll be in better shape.  I, like all real Trojan fans should, Trust in Kiffin.

     Have a safe Weekender, and keep it under 100 on the 5. 

₁ I followed the link from that story, and that study didn’t say anything about sex.  Evidently that’s another writer who thinks Wikipedia is a “reliable source.”  Regardless, I’m printing it because it’s funny.
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