I don’t always talk to bruins…

I usually don’t think that these are funny, but I dig “The Most Interesting Man in the World,” (even though I avoid that horrible beer that he shills,) and I really enjoy anything derogatory about the bruins.

'Nuff Said!

I admire “The Most Interesting Man in the World” because he’s a Trojan at heart.  He’s got the quiet arrogance that one develops during 4 years as an SC undergrad, and sustains through many decades of alumni functions.  His life story is full of great one-liners like “He once punched a mime.  That’s right; you heard me.”  Only my life story, once written, will rival his.  (I’m getting around to working on it – first I need to wait for a few more statutes of limitations to expire.)

Last night, I enjoyed a business steak dinner at Maestros down in Orange County – and denied the bruin valets some coin by parking next door.  The gentleman next to me went to Stanford, and we started talking sports.  I thought it curious that, similar to bruin fans, he emphasized their success at sports that I’d never even heard of. (Squash?)  He then added some dubious stats such as their football team’s 96% graduation rate (I guess when the “threat” of going pro early isn’t there, this number could be achievable), or that Stanford has the most Olympians (USC has the most medals – they can have the record for most “showing ups.”)

He then started espousing the virtues of Tim Tebow; he’s a good person, somebody you’d want your daughter to marry, etc.  One of my dining partners interrupted and said “The important question is – can he throw the football?”  (No.)

I think this brings up an important point about us Trojans.  We don’t need to torture up some statistics to suggest that we’re great.  We let our performance speak for itself.  That’s winning  – Trojan style.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Urban Dictionary Entry.

I was looking at Urban Dictionary tonight, and noticed that the “hate from bruins” outnumbered Trojan Pride in the USC definition.

Since the best defense is a good offense, I started by writing a new entry for ucla:

ucla

A high school in West Los Angeles that is notable for its’ ugly women, powder blue uniforms and general lack of class.

“Cutting class and taking 3 periods of metal shop won’t get you into ‘SC.  You’d better get it together or you’ll wind up at ucla.”

“I’ve already started my kids’ college fund.  No children of mine will have to settle for ucla!”

by GoSC on Mar 9, 2012

The USC definition was easy:

USC

Arguably one of the best colleges in the nation, and certainly the best in Los Angeles, USC is best known for its’ attractive students, successful alumni and dominant football team.

“That 50-0 horsewhipping that the USC football team laid on ucla was legendary!”

“I’m sending my kids to USC so they can marry attractive people and get great jobs.”

by GoSC on Mar 9, 2012

Feel free to add your own.  Since we at USC obviously have a higher rate of computer ownership and literacy; we’ll easily win the trash-talking battle on there.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments

I’m Still Here…

Just wanted to keep things lively around here.  I always hate it when a great blogger just disappears and stops writing new content.  I’m not “that guy” – really!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Matt is Coming Back!

In case you haven’t heard, Matt Barkley is returning for his senior season.  With he and “Big Hit” TJ McDonald returning – as well as the rest of our too-numerous-to-name all star cast – we’ll be looking to improve on the righteous beatings we laid on Washington, Oregon and – of course – ucla.

Check out the scene of Matt’s press conference at Heritage Hall:

Note that, for our press conferences, we don’t need a backdrop that says “USC Football.”  The Cardinal and Gold,  the Heisman trophies; where else could you be?  ucla simply doesn’t have that kind of swagger.

Speaking of ucla – their new coach’s first order of business is to convince his players to show up for practice.   As a commenter on that story pointed out – now that he’s got the tradition of ditching practice wiped out – he needs to work on eliminating the long-standing bruin tradition of losing football games.

Another ucla note – one of their fraternities received no punishment after someone died of a drug overdose in their house.  Sounds like a page out of the “Chip Kelley discipline manual” to me!

On a related topic, I finished my Christmas shopping at South Coast Plaza yesterday.  I stopped by the USC store, and ordered this t-shirt:

I'm ordering one for every member of my family - especially the ones who root for ucla!

They’re out of anything bigger than a medium – but I was able to score a large online from the USC bookstore.  Get yours today!  In fact – buy 10.  T-shirts wear out after 5 years or so – this is a shirt you’ll want to wear to EVERY SC-ucla game forever!

Last off, my “Rudy is a Fraud” opinion has been well documented here , here , and here.    My closing argument – his huge fine for running a “pump and dump” stock scam, is detailed here .

Merry Christmas, Happy “Other Holidays,” and Happy New Year!  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!  (Like wear powder blue.)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

bruins are everywhere.

Nobody told me that ucla has added a school of trucking.

Under this bridge should be a safe place to stop.

How much space does the 60 freeway have that IS NOT under a bridge?  How did this guy manage to park his burning truck under one and make it impossible for me to go to LA?  If he had tried this during football season, there would really be hell to pay!  This is the second burning tanker on the 60 freeway in the last 2 years.  The last driver parked it under a bridge, too!  (I think it was Fullerton.)  Am I the only one worried that those idiots are out driving around gasoline tankers?  (but hopefully not anymore.)

Seriously; this is some world class stupidity only seen previously in Rick Neweasel game plans, or in the confidence that bruin faithful have in their unknown new coach.  I love how the bruins, in their cluelessness, have tried to copy the Trojans here.  They say “Well, nobody thought Pete Carroll was any good when he was hired – look what he did.  Nobody thinks our coach is any good now; so we better start printing up the 3-peat shirts!”  Geez, bruins; I really was right when, after than beautiful 50-0 ass whipping, I said that you haven’t yet begun to sink!  The difference there is that Pete Carroll had Trojans to work with.  Not even Norm Chow could stir up any life from your offense – and this new guy has to work his way through years of poor recruiting!

The good news for Neweasel is…  I hear that a truck driving position is open.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

ucla is Pathetic

Okay; both this news story and the Lost Angeles Blog have inspired me to put together my own take on the bruins’ situation.

You may have seen the picture of ucla’s players carrying their (former) coach, Rick Neweasel, off the field at the conclusion of practice on Wednesday:

This move is heavy with symbolism.  At a funeral, the deceased is carried from the hearse to the burial spot.  This is definitely a foreshadowing of what the bruins expect on Friday.  Their spirits are already dead from the 50-0 pounding they took on Saturday – losing big tomorrow will just confirm everything.

Additionally, it reminds me of when Rudy was carried off the field after his last Notre Dame home game.  It recognized his pathetic four years of pointless labor towards making it onto the field for one play because everyone just felt so sorry for him.  His team carrying him off the field marked an end to that chapter of his life and the beginning of the next – selling used Buicks in a really cold part of Illinois.  Actually – that’s exactly the Rick Neweasel story, too!

For the record; I do hope that ucla wins tomorrow.  We’ve already proved our point; and I would love to see the Ducks humiliated again in Autzen this season – but I also would like my (ucla grad) gardener to show up on a regular basis.  And we know that ain’t gonna happen…

ucla is also issuing press releases bragging that the NCAA has approved their waiver request to play in a bowl game, despite their losing record.  You may be thinking “Losing record?  I thought they were 6-6?”  You’d be correct.  The bruins, however, are already counting their loss tomorrow.  You’ve gotta be shitting me!  It’s bad enough that they are acknowledging that the game is already lost – but they submitted the request a few days before the game?  (They didn’t merely prepare the paperwork and leave it on someone’s desk until Monday?)  That’s a new low – even for you; bruins.

What should I expect from a school with a fan base that thinks “You USC Rolex-wearing rich boys” is some sort of insult?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

USC 50, ucla 0 “Because They Wouldn’t Let Me Go For Three!”

WHAT A GREAT GAME!!!

I know - terrible photo. It's the best I could find online - I forgot to take one.

All week I had heard trash talk from bruins about how good Kevin Prince is, how bad our defense is (not sure where they got that one from), about how they’re Pac 12 South Champions and going to the championship game.  Our team did our talking on the field – and shut them up with what can only be described as a severe ass whipping.  It worked well:  I haven’t heard from any bruins since Saturday.

This brutal thrashing was the third best in rivalry history; eclipsed only by the Trojan’s 76-0 whipping of ucla in 1929, and a repeat beating of 52-0 dealt out in 1930.  Incidentally, the rivalry was suspended for five years after that to give ucla a chance to “establish a football program.”  In 1936, the rivalry resumed; although ucla wouldn’t actually win a game until 1942.  The rivalry game was played twice yearly from 1943 to 1945 due to World War II travel restrictions.  A game was scheduled at the beginning and the end of the season to ensure that ucla didn’t escape their annual whippin’.  USC won 5 of those games and tied one by a combined score of 138-60.

On to the game.  ucla came out on the field with their “super secret” all-white “surrender” uniforms.  I thought that was nice of them – white showed the grass stains, blood and tears much better.  Any game that Nickell Robey gets 2 sacks in has got to be a good one.  Our offense had our way with their defense all night, compiling the “Matt Barkley for Heisman” promo tape while starting on Robert Woods’ 2012 campaign, and Marquis Lee’s for 2013.  Our offense scored at will.  Our punter was used twice.  UCLA was inside our 10 yard line three times and had zero points to show for it!  The bruins only got down there in the first place because our defense was so tired – Matt & company were scoring too quickly off ucla’s anemic defense.

Best of all – we went for two!  I was reminded of my college football history.  Years back, Ohio State was horsewhipping arch-rival Michigan – but not as badly as we beat the bruins.  The Buckeyes put up another 6 points, then added a 2-point conversion.  After the game, a reporter asked OSU coach Woody Hayes why he went for two.  “Because they wouldn’t let me go for three” was his reply.  ‘Nuff said!

Our future is bright, Trojan fans.  Even if Barkley and Kalil declare for the draft, (I would if I were them), the Trojans are DEEP.  Most of the stars on our team are freshmen and sophomores.  We all saw what Marquise Lee did out there as a freshman.  Lamar Dawson is wearing #55 as a freshman.  Guys like Xavier Grimble and George Farmar are waiting to see their names in the news next year.  Jesse Scroggins, Max Wittek and Cody Kessler will be battling for the starting QB spot if Matt leaves next year.  Things are looking great for us!

Better yet; ucla seems to be sinking even lower.  We’ve known for a long time that their football program stinks – but now they suck at basketball AND are ranked lower than USC in the annual college rankings.  The bruins have run out of “You may be great, but we have_____” examples.  See – “sucking” is like a cancer at ucla.  It is winding its’ way throughout their entire university and permeating everything.

I’ve been studying ucla’s moves this week, and have figured out the bruin “game plan.”  Here it is – Rick Neweasel’s steps for failure:

  1. Rather than managing expectations, build up your team and fans to believe that you’ll actually beat USC and Oregon to reach the Rose Bowl.
  2. Break out some “super secret” new uniforms to pump up the team.  (Ask Notre Dame, Colorado and Oregon how that worked out for them.)
  3. Start to believe your own bullshit from step #1 above.  Don’t ever admit defeat.  Why kick a field goal to stay in the game when you can turn the ball over on downs and be losing 14-0 about 4 minutes later?  I bet he keeps his job if he only loses 50-9.
  4. Don’t bother motivating your players at halftime.  Did anyone notice how ucla just walked back onto the field to start the second half?

"I thought we played pretty well. What do you think?"

Reasons Not to Go to ucla

This bit was inspired by a Facebook posting by a friend of mine.  He asked for comments about the pros and cons of going to USC vs. ucla.  The only comments were a flame war of sorts between me and a bruin who wanted to beat that “we’re cheaper” horse to death.  Of course, he wimped out before things got interesting.  In the spirit of such exchanges, I’ve composed the following list of reasons to choose USC over ucla.

  1. Our Row is co-ed.  (Seriously, why are ucla’s sorority houses on the other side of campus?  Maybe they just need the exercise.)
  2. You don’t need to fraud yourself a handicapped parking permit to get to class.  you can walk across USC’s campus (and enjoy the view) in about 5 minutes.
  3. The entire neighborhood is really quite small.  You’re always going to be within walking distance of most people you meet at USC.  You want to live between 30th Street and Adams to the North, and Figueroa with Vermont in the east.  (Although I rarely bothered to go east of Hoover – not counting the 32nd Street Market’s liquor department.)
  4. Attractive members of the opposite sex.  USC has great looking women.  The guys probably aren’t too bad, either – I went there, right?
  5. A USC degree is valuable.  I’ve been hired by two bruins in my lifetime.  Us Trojans know better than to hire a ucla grad.
  6. Plenty of restaurants – right at the end of the row.  You don’t need to hike into Westwood Village to eat. Everything’s on Figueroa.  Hell – they’ve even got a Fat Burger and a Five Guys there now.  I was perfectly happy eating Inez’s (our fraternity’s chef) cooking, Chanos, Pasta Bravo and La Barca.  I did eat quite a bit of Dollar Chinese, too – until it almost killed me.
  7. At USC; you can get the classes that you need to graduate on time.  You can stay 5 years by choice – and take some extra classes that will actually benefit you and make you some money in the future.
  8. ucla depends on “welfare” from the state to stay afloat.  We know how well the state’s books are looking now…
  9. The cheaper option is never the higher quality one.  Never.
  10. Cardinal and Gold vs. powder blue and yellow?
  11. Football games.  The Coliseum is across the street from campus.   The bruins play in the Rose Bowl, which is thirty miles from campus!  Good luck getting back from there after a day full of tailgating!
  12. The neighborhood.  That’s right – I’m calling it a plus.  You don’t want to be one of those wimps going through life afraid of bad neighborhoods.  After four years at USC – you’ll see it’s not that bad.  You’ll learn street smarts.  You won’t be one of those douchebags who say “I can’t believe someone smashed the window of my new Mercedes and stole the Louis Vuitton laptop bag off my passenger seat!”  (Exact words I’ve heard before.)
  13. I once went to a party at ucla that was broken up by fifty LAPD officers in riot gear.  Seriously.
  14. I don’t think it’s possible to visit both schools and choose ucla.  SC is really that much better.  Make sure and visit when school’s in session.

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Feel free to leave your own reasons in the comments, and Fight On!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments